Gossip and friendship

For the past two weeks, I have been doing a devotional on friendship. It is one of those topics that I don't think we ever feel that we really need to study. However, I am really getting some great perspective on several topics. The first one is gossip. I don't think one ever really things that much of the biblical study on gossip. Obviously, we all know that gossip is a sin and can be damaging. “A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts” (Proverbs 18:7-8).

So very simply don't gossip! Right, no more study needed!!

However, I read more in the scripture and found that gossip tends to be an issue for widows and young women. 1 Timothy 5:12-13 states,  "Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not." This leads to the knowledge that women need to be cautious to keep themselves busy in the right things and not to just get together for idle talk! 

This next part I really love! We should in all things use Jesus as an example! In Matthew 13:34-36, I read, "All these things Jesus spoke to the multitude in parables; and without a parable He did not speak to them,  that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying: “ I will open My mouth in parables; I will utter things kept secret from the foundation of the world. Then Jesus sent the multitude away and went into the house. And His disciples came to Him, saying, “Explain to us the parable of the tares of the field.” In this passage, Jesus went more in depth for His disciples. I looked through more verses and found that this occurred several times. Jesus gave most of His time and attention to the 12 disciples. Jesus knew that He could reach the most people by teaching a few to go out and do His work rather than if He tried to do it all. Sometimes we take on too many relationships. Even out of His 12, I think there may have been ones who He was especially close to. Luke 9:28-36 and Mark 14:32-34, show Jesus having an especially close relationship with Peter, John, and James. Both times they went together to pray. In the first passage, they were able to see a glimpse of Jesus' glory. From this example, I see that we should have a group of people that we have enough time to really pour into and to get encouragement from. However, we should only have a few people who we really are in close friendship with. 

The danger of too many friends becomes the simple fact that nobody can juggle it all and give their full attention and support when there are too many friends. For myself, I tend to reach out a lot to probably too many people. Sometimes that means that I can't give them enough strong support and they are probably left discouraged. However, back to gossip. How does this affect gossiping. Well, so often I have a friend who might be hurting and then I get text messages from other friends asking what is going on? Most likely, they mean it with good intentions. The problem is that if they were a close friend to that person then they wouldn't be coming to me and they would be going straight to that person. It leaves the person with the knowledge in an awkward position. Should they fill in their well meaning friend or should they tell them to talk to that friend them self? I think that answer is simple, but women still struggle with it. 

You also have the tricky situation when a friend tells you that you do have permission to tell what is going on with their personal life. You would think that would make it easy. You now have permission to share. The bad thing is that by sharing, you now give the person that you shared it with the permission to continue to share this. What does that make happen? A friendly or not so friendly game of "telephone". You remember the game of telephone, right? One person whispers into the next friends ear and that friend whispers it into the next persons ear. At the end, you have some similarities to the original story, but some details have definitely been changed! I hate to see this happen in real life, but it definitely does!

So how do we stop gossip in it's tracks? The Bible tells us that “a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). So there are three things that you or I can do. 

1. Don't repeat it! Isn't that easy?! You might thing that you are helping by telling the person....especially if it involves them. However, your gossip just might cause division which is not of God. An example: Suzie says, "Did you know that Laurie isn't coming to the party because she doesn't like Rachel anymore?" You could take this information and run to to Rachel to tell her what you heard. You are helping right? Now Rachel is wondering why Laurie is mad at her and never told her. So her and Laurie are not at odds. Did this really help anyone? What if you had just not repeated the gossip? Did you really know that Laurie was mad at Rachel? This might have been an untruth. There really is never a reason to speak something that is untrue and since you don't know, you shouldn't repeat it! 

2. You can tell a person that you think that what they are saying might be untrue and that you would rather them not gossip. Our job as christians is to encourage and build each other up. If you see a friend struggling with this sin issue, lovingly remind her. 

3. This is a last resort, but if the gossiping issues don't get better than you probably need to have a little distance from these friends. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man [or woman] who talks too much” (Proverbs 20:19).

My last lesson learned is how to handle a sticky situation that was caused by gossip! 

1. The bible says that we are to overlook an insult. That is hard to do, but will teach us humility! We are called to not be easily offended!

2. Don't justify yourself! Richard J. Foster put it this way, "One of the fruits of silence is the freedom to let God be our justifier. We don't need to straighten out others!" When we can allow God to justify and set things right, that brings us to believe that God can care for us, reputation and all. 

3. Don't retaliate by slandering the person!

4. Do try to make amends with the person you have a disagreement with. (This is by far the hardest one and I admit, I am not great at this one. I always worry that I will get rejection or that it will only get further fighting going on!)